| Six
Nights Drunk (Child 274) It won’t take a master’s in Folklore Studies to realise that for Six Nights Drunk I made up an entirely new set of words on the old theme of Our Goodman, keen as I was to include some lighter material but sceptical about the laugh-out-loud credentials of any of the traditional versions I could find. Bronson’s Traditional Tunes of the Child Ballads (one of my key sources for this project) includes a Cajun version by the ‘Jolly Boys of Lafayette’, in which the traditional horse or cow is updated to a motor car, so what I’ve done isn’t unprecedented. To add to the fun I decided to include a few examples from our rich tradition of synonyms for drunkenness, and also to flesh out the characters a little. Tunes collected with this ballad in English tradition tend to be a bit repetitive, so I squeezed three different ones into the verses I sing here. The Old Milking Cow, sung by Matthew Preston in Rose Ash, Devon, to Cecil Sharp in 1904, supplied the melody for the main verse, The Cuckold’s Song from James Brooks of Bridgewater (Sharp MS, 1906) the refrain, while the “Drunk as a skunk” line is based on a phrase from Our Goodman as sung by Sam Bennett of Ilmington to James Madison Carpenter round about 1930 (Mr. Bennett sang the words “Hobs, bobs, well done”). In other words, this is a total mash-up |
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1. As
I came home on Monday night so drunk and very late I saw a Harley-Davidson outside my own front gate I says to my darling wife, won’t you kindly tell to me Who owns that Harley-Davidson where my pushbike ought to be You’re drunk, drunk, as a skunk, you’ve clearly had a few It’s nothing but a wheelbarrow that I bought in B and Q It’s many’s the day I’ve traveled, a hundred miles or more But a wheelbarrow with twin exhausts I never did see before |
2. As
I came home on Tuesday night and through the door did crawl I saw a black crash helmet on a hat-stand in the hall I says to my darling wife, won’t you kindly tell to me Who owns that crash helmet where my cloth cap ought to be You’re drunk, drunk, as a skunk, you’re well and truly ratted That’s a woolly bobble hat that I myself have knitted It’s many’s the day I’ve traveled, a hundred miles or more But a bobble hat with a visor I never did see before |
3. As
I came home on Wednesday night, beneath me scarce a let I saw a leather jacket a-hanging on a peg I says to my darling wife, won’t you kindly tell to me Who owns that leather jacket where my anorak should be You’re drunk, drunk, as a skunk, I see you’ve had a drop It’s nothing but a duffel coat I bought in the Oxfam shop It’s many’s the day I’ve traveled, a hundred miles or more But a duffle coat with a row of studs I never did see before |
4.
As I came home on Thursday night, to stand I wasn’t able I saw a packet of cigarettes upon the kitchen table I says to my darling wife, won’t you kindly tell to me Who owns that packet of cigarettes where my chewing gum ought to be You’re drunk, drunk, as a skunk, you’re well the worse for wear That’s a pack of cards and I’ve been playing solitaire It’s many’s the day I’ve traveled, a hundred miles or more But a pack of cards with a health warning I never did see before |
5.
As I came home on Friday night, I’d had to dump the car I saw a bottle of whisky standing on the breakfast bar I says to my darling wife, won’t you kindly tell to me Who owns that bottle of Jamiesons where my Horlicks ought to be You’re drunk, drunk, as a skunk, you’re in a proper state That’s a bottle of cranberry juice, I’m trying to watch my weight It’s many’s the day I’ve traveled, a hundred miles or more But cranberry juice at seventy proof I never did see before |
6.
As I came home on Saturday night and staggered up the stair I saw a man laid in my bed dressed in his underwear I says to my darling wife, won’t you kindly tell to me Who is this unfamiliar chap where my own self should be You’re drunk, drunk, as a skunk, still you cannot see That’s a cuddly teddy bear my mother sent to me It’s many’s the day I’ve traveled, a hundred miles or more But a teddy bear in a posing pouch I never did see before |